The last article I wrote for you was way back in April. In that article, I explained why I hadn’t published a blog in over a month. I admitted that my wife, Holly, and I were struggling and that it was my absolute desire that we work things out. I’m sad to say that we didn’t and she moved out in August.

This year has certainly been one of upheaval and change. But after getting through what I think is the worst of it, life certainly looks much different. And that’s where I start this, the first of my weekly blogs, once again…

After blogging every single week since June 1, 2015, the events of 2019 brought me to my knees. I simply didn’t have the time, energy or desire to keep blogging every single week with everything I had going on in my personal life.

Hindsight is a crazy thing. I thought that I was through the worst of it in April, and my naive optimism had me believe things would get better. But the universe had other plans. The year only continued to get worse and didn’t reach its peak until July.

July was when Holly told me she wanted to see other people and I knew once and for all it was over. It was honestly and easily the worst month of my life.

Up until July, I felt like I’d been standing on the top of a 100m waterfall being pushed towards the edge. Then, over the weekend of the Darwin show (25-27 July), I went over. It was over.

Holly wanted to move out and we decided that the best time for that would be while I was in the US as this would cause the least disruption to the kids and be easiest for us both to deal with. The stories you might have seen me post on Instagram and Facebook show a fun time. But behind my eyes were pain and so much sadness.

Over the next two months we shared our children 50/50 and if her leaving tore a whole in my chest, saying goodbye to my kids, and not seeing them every single day tore my heart out. I said to Holly that if there was any opportunity to have them more often, I would absolutely love that!

In October, we had a big chat and she asked if I would like to have them full-time. I exploded with excitement and gratefulness.

Life certainly is much different now. Being a full-time single father is hard. Shout-out to all the single mothers who have been doing it for years. And to you few blokes who do it, respect my brothers.

But if being in a traditional family unit isn’t an option, I’m so grateful I get to see my kids every day.

The kids and I are doing well. They miss their mother, especially the two little ones. But I’m doing everything I can to ensure they grow up to be well-rounded and respectable little legends. And they are. The way they chip in and help out is phenomenal.

We have to make sure we have consistent routines and that our routines are on-point. As we get used to those routines, we’re getting more time to do the things we love. Javar is loving his basketball. Jax and Jarom have also started and Jax has even started Karate. Jaquira still loves her Barbies. And I get to start writing my blogs again.

I don’t know if I can promise to publish one every single week. I don’t know what the universe has in store. But I can tell you, I’ll try my damn hardest. I love showing up for you guys and writing these articles. It brings me a sense of purpose and joy. I’m excited to be back and I look forward to the next chapter.