We all know they mean well. They encourage you from the sidelines; proud of you for what you’re doing and what you’ve achieved so far. They may be sitting on the couch eating donuts and watching Netflix, but that’s okay; this is for you. And maybe your changes will lead to a desire in them to make some positive changes too.

I’ve seen it all too often. The person who finally, after years of physical and emotional pain, finally decides to do something about it and starts a new health kick — overhauling their diet and training every day. But then that loving partner, starting to miss “the good ol’ days”, but still wanting to look out for you, starts offering you one of those donuts, insists they’re not that bad for you in moderation, and in fact they’re good for you, or questions why you’re listening to all these strangers. What do you do? You haven’t felt this good about yourself for years.

"Often when you finally do something about the physical and emotional pain you’ve lived with for years, you start the journey on your own."

It’s not their fault. It’s basic human psychology. They’re comfortable and things are good right now. They don’t want change. They’re not ready for change. Change means hard work. And they’re actually a bit scared. A bit scared of the unknown. You’ve been this person for years, and now, all of a sudden, you’re becoming someone else. You’re becoming a new person.

5 Ways to Make Sure Your Partner is Not Sabotaging You

1. Reassure them
   Remind them you are the same person. You are still the person they fell in love with and married. You just need to do this for yourself. Remind them who you are doing this for. You are doing this for you. Plus, once you’ve done this for you, they’ll get to reap the rewards of a happy, fun-loving and sexier looking new you.
2. Politely decline
   Each time your partner offers you that donut, declaims all the reasons why they’re not really that bad for you and accuses you of listening to everyone but them, politely decline. Even if you have to decline over and over and over again. And the key word here is politely. If you raise your voice or become exasperated, it will only push them away and they’ll likely resent the changes you’re making. Healthy living should be celebrated, not condemned.
3. Give them something
   When they say that one donut in moderation is okay, they are right. So long as you’re not chemically addicted to a substance whereby one exposure may restart an addiction, or you’re not highly intolerant to a certain food, you can certainly can consume it in moderation. Let your partner know you are still the same person. If you want to enjoy a treat, like the donut, go for it! You don’t need to give up everything in search of monk-like obedience.
4. Include them
   When you’re exercising, ask them to join you. Just be aware that they may be behind where you’re at with your fitness, so you may need to modify for them. They may also have their own challenges that don’t allow them to do certain exercises, so be mindful of this. The other thing to be mindful of is coming across like you know it all. It can be hard not to want to share your newfound knowledge, but do so in a way that comes across like you’re in this together.
5. Make them part of your success
   You don’t always need to “tell” someone to do something in order to motivate them. In fact, that rarely works. The best way to motivate someone is by leading by example. Share your wins along the way and make your partner feel like they are part of your journey. Thank them for their support, as little or big as it may be, and let them feel as though they have played a role in what you’ve been able to achieve. As they see you succeed, they will start to see that it is possible and want this new energy, confidence and happiness for themselves.

Often when you finally do something about the physical and emotional pain you’ve lived with for years, you start the journey on your own. Your partner is more-often-than-not supportive to begin with and proud of your early achievements. However, once you start to see results, and become a new version of yourself, that can become quite scary for your partner. This is when resentment and sabotage can occur — sometimes unknowingly. Follow these steps to ensure they remain your biggest cheerleader.

If some of my points sounded like I was talking from experience, I was 😂 just not with donuts. Long-term relationships with our significant other must be the most difficult relationship we have in our lifetime. But they are certainly our most rewarding. Always consider your partner when making lifestyle changes for yourself. When done with their support, they become much, much easier and more likely to be integrated lifelong.

What will you do to make sure your partner is there for you?

Leave your answer to that question in the comment section below. 

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